Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Letting Go

Ever heard this:

Isn't it about time for another baby?
Aren't you about ready to give little ______a brother or sister?
Don't you think you'd better have another baby, you don't want to wait too long, do you?

I really grow quite weary of dodging this questions(and now regret any time I have EVER asked it)-but I have an answer-
Yes I'm ready, I have never stopped being ready, but it's not about me or Russell, or Isaac or what we THINK we need or what we WANT or what society thinks is right, because it is not in our hands-its in the hands of our AMAZING LORD-and for that I am so thankful. God's timing is perfect whether WE realize it at the time or not. I look back on my life the last few years and I see the way God has worked, and how he knew my body wouldn't be able to handle a baby and meningitis in 2007 or a baby and 2 surgeries in 2008. We had no idea-but GOD did.

I know that our God has amazing things in store for us, and I am really, really working on being able to have a consistent peace about the fact that it may not include a baby. I've struggled with this for a while, like here then there's now when I know, that I'm in his hands but I don't know what HE wants me to do.
So, I'm not questioning-I'm just trying to wait-and know what HE has planned and not make my own plans-which is soooooo hard for me, because when I was 18 I thought I had it all figured out too, and boy I did not, but by being still and listening HE got me on the right track and I don't want to look back and see where I veered from HIS plan, I want to look back and see that I was walking in it.

I love the beat and tune of the song "I'm Letting Go", the whole thing speaks to me but look at this part:

I'm letting go Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control Of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go

So as we travel this road together, whether it is a struggle to know God's path for our career, our family, or building a family-it helps to lean on each other-and to remember that we have to let go-so that's what I'm doing-I'm Letting Go, letting go of all of it and knowing that God has control of my destiny. And praying for all the people I love who are struggling too, trying to Let go and Be Still.


Our Family said...

Did you write this for me too? What powerful words! Love you!

Dawn said...

Thought of you too as I was writing it, it was my "We are in HIS hands and this too shall pass" speech for both of us ;) I kept thinking of the song you sang at church last time too-about just being still.

Jodi said...

it's amazing to me sometimes how easy it is for my head to know that God has it under control & yet my heart sometimes doesn't want to acknowledge it! great reminder to us all!