Monday, August 4, 2008

A Struggle for peace

It's day 30 in my cycle, and I'm starting to feel like it will begin any day. Which means we're not pregnant. As I seek answers in this struggle, I am finding peace in many things. The Lord blessed us with a beautiful baby 3 1/2 years ago. He is growing to become a wonderful child and it is truly a blessing to have him in our lives. Sometimes I feel that we are letting him down by not having another child, that we should give him brothers and sisters to grow up with and grow old with. I have always longed for my child to have those connections, longed to be able to provide it and nurture it. But, today I feel blessed. Blessed to be alive, to have the opportunity to raise one wonderful child and deal with the struggles and trials that it brings. Would I love to have another baby? YES, most definitely, but more than anything I want God's will for our lives, for our families, and I'm beginning to see that it's not time. For everything there is a season. It's not our season for a baby, and may never be, but the Lord has plans for our family, of that I am sure, and I am delighted to be in a place that I can say "I'm yours Lord". This is what is to be. I don't want to take medicine and force my body to do things, I don't want to be poked and prodded and invaded. I want to spend this time and energy on things that will glorify our wonderful maker, I want to be used for his glory.

Thank you Lord, for my wonderful Isaac. Thank you for allowing us to be parents and for continuing to hold is in your arms as you guide us and help us grow in you. I praise you for the peace you have given me. You are mighty Lord!

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